Roofie Me Please

I'm so thankful I didn't wear a skirt today, but I really wish I would have worn my sports bra.

Dude driver rolled up in his jacked up Chevy truck, and all I could do is giggle to myself.  I walked up to the back door (yay me for winning the backseat lottery this morning) and the step, THE STEP, was at my waist.  I tossed my crap in the back, grabbed the floor, and climbed my short ass all up in that thang.  It couldn't have been pretty to watch.  If I would've been wearing a skirt, I would've had to hike that thing up to my waist to pull that off.  To make this trip even more exciting, this very intimidating looking dude, who looks like he eats babies and puppies for breakfast, was listening to dance music at club volume.  Really?  I was expecting country or heavy metal.  I was not expecting to have to listen to songs about shots, shots, shots, shots and something about booty shaking in this guy's truck.  I can't tolerate that crap unless I have a drink in my hand and at least the possibility of a good roofie to help me forget.  But it was fortuitous because I was bouncing the whole damn way to work.

Apparently, this guy--and many others like him--thinks that lifting a pickup truck 500' in the air is a super awesome idea.  I'm sure it comes in handy when you're off-roading down 95.  It would only be useful if he was going to actually drive OVER traffic, but I didn't see any evidence that he was willing to do so.  One thing about lifted trucks is that those giant ass tires feel every pebble on the road and bounce the truck all over the damn place.  Only the soccer ball in the floorboard was bouncing more than my ta-tas.  I think at one point we hit an actual bump in the road and my ass lifted off the seat and my girls bounced in 2 different directions.  I'll probably have to go to a doctor to get my spine realigned and buy a special orthopedic bra to get my lady lumps pointing back in the right direction.  He also had a persistent rattle coming from somewhere in the backseat, which is like nails on a chalkboard to me--especially at 5:30 in the morning.  I'm surprised every screw in the truck hasn't been bounced out yet, but OMG, how can you not hear that and NEED to fix it right away.  I go mental if I hear a rock in my tire. 

No chance in hell of an actual nap this morning.  All I could think was that I just want to fade out of consciousness to the sound of Kanye's untalented voice and wake up at work wondering why my body hurts.