Whore in Church

I'm a good person.  I am.  I might have a warped sense of humor, a bit of a potty mouth, and a general desire to enjoy life, but all in all, I'm a good person.  I don't cheat, lie, steal, neglect my child or work, and I don't intentionally harm others (although I imagine it in my head often).  I might have a list of things to confess at some point, but none of it makes me truly evil.  This morning's ride made me feel like a bad person.

I got into this woman's car this morning and instantly felt out of place and judged.  She was a middle-aged woman with a cross around her neck and at least 5 other crosses strategically placed around her car.  I'm not sure if she was trying to protect herself from Vampire Sluggers, but at that moment, I was grateful I never fulfilled my childhood fantasy of a blood-thirsty immortality.  The crosses didn't really bother me so much as the judgmental look on her face when I climbed in the front seat (yes I got screwed on the seat selection again).  I guess she didn't like my leopard print dress that I'm wearing today.  Maybe that's too "racy" for her puritan taste.  Her judgmental look then transitioned to her changing the radio station from generic news radio to some sort of gospel/evangelism station.  I felt like this was intentional.

I was too uncomfortable to sleep, for fear that she might try to brand me with a cross on the side of my face, so I just stared blankly out the window keeping her firmly in my peripheral vision. The gospel song that was playing ended, and some guy started talking about God and being a good person and how evil the world is, and I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she kept glancing at me.  Seriously?  Who died and made you the judge of me?  This felt personal, but I was going to give her the benefit of the doubt----since I'm a good person and all.  Maybe it was the short, balding guy in the backseat who looks like he should be on a sex offender registry that she didn't like....

Another gospel song came on, which pretty much sounded just like the first one, and she started singing along quietly right until the line of "save yourself from sin" was repeated.  That line she really BELTED out.  Hmmmmm, perhaps she's trying to subtly tell me something?  I'd had enough of this crap.  I've heard enough stories of her type trying to save "fallen women" from their evil ways to know that I just had to embrace her perception of me and roll with it.  Then I started to think--I'll give you something to judge lady.....

I considered all kinds of options.  I thought maybe I could surf some porn on my phone for her to see.  I thought maybe I could make a fake phone call to a pimp to arrange for tonight's John.  I thought maybe I could dig through my purse and exclaim "damn!  I left my meth at home on the kitchen counter!"  None of it felt right.  You know why?  Because I'm a good person.

So I stared straight ahead, like any good whore in church would, and let her searing judgmental, God-fearing stares burn the side of my face until I got to work.

I got out of the car, letting my dress ride up a little too high, and thanked her for the ride.  Peace be with you bitch.