Let It Goat

When you fall into a deep sleep, you lose a certain level of control.  It's just a fact of life.  When slugging, most people sleep, because why not.  Over the years, I've experienced my fellow sluggers snoring LOUDLY, farting, mumbling in their sleep, twitching uncontrollably, and many other things.  As a slugging veteran, this kind of thing usually just makes me snicker.  When I take my daily slug naps, I'm typically only partially asleep and am mostly aware of what's going on in the car and have complete control of myself.  However, I stayed up a little too late and woke up feeling like a zombie, so my slug nap this morning was more like a temporary coma.  I basically remember getting into the car and putting on my seat belt.  After that, mmmmmmmmm, nothing.

I don't know if I was dreaming or if I was so close to death that my body just gave up, but somewhere close to me reaching my destination, I moaned--that's the closest word I can come up with.  This was not a cute little moan that would've made my fellow sluggers smirk or chuckle.  This moan sounded more like a cross between a moan, a scream for help, and me trying to speak in tongues.  I opened my eyes to realize that my head was flopped over, I was hanging by the seat belt, and yes, there was drool.  After that unfortunate farting incident when I was in school, I learned that when you wake yourself up by making loud noises, you just freeze and don't make any sudden movements.  This allows you to avoid the immediate fallout of the reactions by plausibly still being asleep. 

I had my sunglasses on, so I was able to open my eyes enough to see that I had scared the living shit out of the driver and the front seat passenger.  I think the driver was getting ready to pull over and call 911 to have the dead body removed from his back seat.  Once it was obvious to everyone that I was, indeed, alive and well, they calmed back down.  Luckily, it happened so close to my drop off that I didn't have to endure this awkwardness for long.  We pulled up, and I got out as if nothing ever happened, politely thanking the driver and wishing both a beautiful day.  We are all professionals here.  No need to bring it up fellas.  Just let it go.

While I'm sure what they heard was dramatic, in my head, as far as I can recollect, it sounded like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxIkqbRR59s