Riddle Me This...

So, for all you heavy-thinkers out there, I have a little riddle for you. You have one car with three people in it. All three people are sleeping. Who's driving the car?


Think about this....it's a real brain twister!


Give up?

That's RIGHT! You win the prize! NOBODY IS DRIVING THE CAR!!!!!!!!

Yes, you read me right slug-lovers. I won the "try to kill me" driver lotto today and got the guy who can't stay awake. But just when I thought the sleeping wasn't bad enough, it turns out he's the ONE driver who does the opposite of the natural "falling asleep at the wheel" reaction. Most people, when they fall asleep at the wheel, decelerate. No, not my driver. He went faster....and faster...and faster....

Here I was...in the backseat (finally the luxury seat is mine!)...minding my own business (in other words, sleeping with my ipod on). It was a long, draining day at work, and I needed a few minutes of unrestful sleep in the backseat of a stranger's car. Besides the pungent smell of body odor and what might have been the faintest smell of urine, the ride was relatively uneventful. The weather was perfect. The sun was beating down on me in just the right way. I was having a nice little nap. Until........brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrap. You know that sound.....your car just QUICKLY drove over the rumble strips on the side of the road. I instinctively opened my eyes to see us heading STRAIGHT FOR THE JERSEY WALL doing about 85 miles per hour (at least that's what the speedometer said when I say him decelerate after waking). We were literally an INCH from smashing head-first into the wall when I screamed SO LOUD I'm pretty sure I woke up this guy's great great great great great grandfather (who probably died falling asleep at the reins of his horse).

I screamed. His head flew up (yes, you pictured that right...his head was ALL THE WAY back...mouth open). My fellow passenger on death row woke up at the same time as Mr. Snoozy McDeathdriver, and we collectively yelled a really bad word. He swerved. We all survived. While I'm all about sacrificing for my art, I'm not too thrilled about ghost writing my blog for Halloween this year.

The silence was deafening after that. My ipod was safely clutched in my trembling hands for the rest of the trip (probably broken now), and my heart was definitively pounding just behind my left eye. I wasn't complaining about the skull-crushing headache that ensued post life-flashing. Afterall, I was in one piece and still breathing. I got lucky. I really DID win the lottery today.

I'm pretty sure that was urine I smelled. I'm sure this isn't the first time Mr. High-speed Sleeper has done this, and his other unsuspecting passengers probably didn't have the bladder fortitude of someone like me.

So, as we all do when we arrive at our destination, me and my +1 gathered our belongings and exited the car. Nothing unusual. I was left for a second with the dilemma of how to "thank" the Grim Reaper for almost driving his death chariot into an unforgiving wall, and I decided on the only fitting exit I could muster.


FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!