NOT in the Mood for Love!!!

We've all been there. Some days you wake up and you just aren't in the mood for happy people. That's not to say that I woke up in a bad mood today. I'm in a somewhat neutral mood. But I'm not in the mood for happy people, especially happy people who are in love.

It should make me happy to see two well-adjusted, professional people who aren't afraid to openly show affection toward each other and who can have a pleasant conversation about irrelevant minutia. After some pretty serious soul-searching post-commute this morning, I discovered that being around the two people I rode in with this morning simply pissed me off.

I eagerly, and unwittingly, jumped into their car this morning unprepared for the chirping birds and bubbling hearts that were circling these two obvious lovers. I gave my normal "good morning!" in the best "cheery" tone I could channel, but I was greeted with a tsunami of cheerfulness that almost made me jump out of the car as it pulled away.

They were all smiles and Starbucks, and they were holding hands like a couple of teenagers. Again, this should give me hope that there is, indeed, a such thing as "true love" but you as you might guess it does not. The smiley discussion about the coffee and the preparation and "care" (direct quote) that went into making it this morning was enough to make my iPod go close to maximum volume. I tried listening to my favorite playlist that includes quite a few "love songs," but seeing how happy these two were made me opt for something slightly less warm and fuzzy. As Steven Tyler was belting out "My Fist Your Face," I titled my head back in the hopes of catching a few precious moments of half-sleep. Unfortunately, even at near-maximum volume, my iPod was no match for that deafening love-giggle that came flooding out of Doris Day in the front seat. I tried with all my love-hating strength to tune her out and focus on Tyler's scratchy screams. Unfortunately, even Tyler betrayed me this morning, and without warning went into "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing". Ahh, yes, here comes more romance to cheer me up! Seriously, I love this song under normal circumstances. But today, it's like listening to fingernails on a chalkboard. My only comfort at that moment is that Bruce Willis got killed at the end of the movie (still wish the writers would have opted for Ben Affleck).

So, to cheer myself up, I imagined what this relationship is REALLY like behind closed doors. I guessed they've only been married for a year or two, still feeling all newlywedish. They probably dated for two years before getting engaged, and she probably spent a year obsessing over colors and flowers and seating charts. I imagined that he likes his Internet porn, enjoys flirting with any woman who will flirt back, chooses a bad football game over a good afternoon with his perky wife, secretly hates the way his wife giggles at him, and he goes to bed every night satisfied with himself for managing to keep his mistress a secret once again. I imagine her to be basically clueless and sexually flat lining.

Evil, I know. But the possibility that these two love birds are ACTUALLY in love was just too much for me to handle this morning.

I know. There are some of you who are analyzing this and asking yourself "What the hell has happened to this poor woman that she can't stand to be around love?" Perhaps there is an element of general love cynicism in me that rears its ugly head regularly, but today, it's just about timing. Maybe tomorrow I will wake up believing that love stories have happy endings and that relationships really can be healthy and long-lasting. We'll see how my mood goes.

As for Mr. and Mrs. Cootchy-Coo up front, they maintained their cutesy conversation about what they are going to cook for Thanksgiving dinner for most of the trip. Finally, we reached my destination, and I desperately imagined an ejection seat that would get me out before I saw the inevitable farewell kiss. I felt like I was the dumb girl in a horror movie that stuck around to see if the killer was still there. I saw it coming in slow-motion, and there was no way to protect my ears in time to avoid the piercing echo of the adorable little peck that they gave each other.

They kissed. I vomited a little in my throat and exited the vehicle comforting myself with a little angst-ridden Alanis Morissette. I knew she would understand.