I Hate Leather Seats

Yes, I know what you are thinking. Why on earth would I dedicate an entire posting to my hatred of leather seats? Besides the fact that this is my blog and I can bitch about anything I want, I think my complaint about leather seats could serve as a public service announcement to all current and future leather seat optioners and their unsuspecting passengers.

To clarify, I am NOT a PETA member and this has NOTHING to do with saving the animals. If it was up to me, I'd have more leather and less cows. I'll take the skin, you take the tenderloin.

Why do I hate leather seats? Let me count the ways...

1. If you move the wrong way, it sounds like you just farted in the car. If you are among friends and family, this could be a good source of laughter. If you are in the car with strangers, not so funny. Personally, I wouldn't use this as a reason to not buy leather seats.

2. If you sit too long on leather seats, your butt sweats. Not something anyone but you would notice (unless you leave a wet spot, God forbid!), but unpleasant to get out of a car and do the subtle butt sweep to see just how bad the damage is. I know nobody wants to admit this, but like I said....public service announcement.

3. People who own cars with leather seats feel inclined to polish their precious leather with some obnoxious leather treatment oils. See where I am going with this? I went to work smelling "Lovely" and I am now spending my day smelling Bovine.

4. When you sit on leather seats, your clothes become a dust rag (the accumulation of dust is magnified by the leather oil). Good for the owner, bad for the passenger. It's really bad enough that I have to smell like your leather, but now I am walking around with your stripper girlfriend's glitter debris!

5. Finally, this one is SERIOUS. When you are not paying attention and you find yourself making a violent and sudden stop to avoid hitting the car in front of you, my ass continues to slide forward even though my seatbelt has harnessed the rest of me. Ladies and gentleman of the leather-seat owning community, do you really want a lawsuit for ass-lash?

Happy slugging!