A Mean Streak

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you know that I have encountered some ugly situations while slugging. So please keep that in mind as you read this. :)

Circumstances have me doing a lot of driving lately, so I have a different slug perspective. This morning I just felt like being a little bit mean. Nothing that I should be too ashamed of, but it was just a little cruel. Let me explain before you go off judging me!

I woke up after only about 1.5 hours sleep, sick children are such a treat, and I had a RAGING headache. So, on top of being tired, stressed, and a little bit sad, I had to drive to work today. Normally, I can catch a little power nap on the way in when someone else drives. Needless to say, I was a little resentful that the guy who jumped in the front seat this morning was comatose before I ever left the lot! No, seriously, he was SLUMPED over in the front seat within 5 minutes. If it weren't for the seat belt, this guy would've been laying in his own lap.

On top of that, the lady in the backseat brought the LOUDEST shopping bag I've ever heard. OK, granted, I was a little sensitive this morning, but COME ONE! I kept hearing this high-pitched crinkling sound the whole way in. It was almost as bad as the gum popping lady. She kept shifting it around and adjusting it. Nothing was stopping that noise. If you are going to recycle plastic bags, that is just fine with me. Use them as much as possible. But can you only do it with the quality ones? Target has some nice plastic bags that don't really make noises. The cheap bags you get with your Chinese take-out shouldn't have ever been used to begin with! Use them with the pooper scooper! It's likely that there used to be a dog in the bag anyway ("chicken" chow mein anyone?).

Moving on.

After a few miles, I started to feel just a little mischievous. I decided to see just how deeply he was asleep. First, I CRANKED the heat up REALLY high. I mean it got so hot in there I couldn't breathe. Finally, I gave in after I realized that I was getting third degree burns on my feet. So, heat wasn't going to disturb him.

I noticed he would twitch a little when I changed lanes or stepped on the brake. AH HA! A weakness revealed. So, I started doing some "aggressive" driving (i.e. hard and sudden braking and abrupt lane changes) to see how that would affect him. Every time I hit the brake hard, his head would sort of roll forward, but he still wasn't waking up. This guy was TIRED. Being there myself, I just couldn't let him have a peaceful nap. I know it was wrong, but it was keeping me awake. :) Ultimately, that's in everyone's best interest anyway.

I'm not a tailgater, and I don't do aggressive lane changes. I'm a safe driver. (no comment necessary!) So, I had to simulate these things to get him to wake up. Unfortunately, every time I did, the lady's bag would rattle, driving me closer to the edge of insanity. There were only a few times that the guy seemed to even budge when I would do something like that, so I decided to give that up.

Then I got a tickle in my throat!

Ta da! He didn't like that very much. It appears he can sleep through near-death experiences, but excessive hacking wakes him up! :)

For the last few miles of the trip, I would do a really good, deep-chest cough. He would raise his head, eerily like Dawn of the Dead, and then he would settle back down. Out of the corner of my eye, I'd see his head drop back down, and I'd suddenly feel the urge to cough again.

In all fairness, I should have let the poor guy sleep. But I wasn't feeling fair this morning. I was doing a good deed by driving, especially at these gas prices, so I felt I needed a little entertainment that couldn't be fulfilled by music this time.

The crinkling bag lady in the back must have thought I had Bird Flu because she seemed to recoil every time I coughed. Bonus! One time I even turned my head in her direction, just for fun. (I'm not actually sick, and these were manufactured coughs. I was not intentionally spreading a disease, so calm down!!)

It's amazing how a simple ride to work can turn into a rewarding, cathartic experience. While I'm still tired, I feel somewhat energized knowing that I spread a little bit of discontent this morning. Somewhere out there, one of my slugs is probably acting a little grumpy because of their ride to work, further spreading discontent. Have a nice day! :)

Maybe tomorrow I will talk to myself the whole way in.

Happy slugging!