Creepy Casanova Strikes Again

Isn't it just my luck that I keep running into the ONE GUY who has pissed me off the MOST over and over and over again?

Mr. Creepy Casanova (the guy who struck out with Blondie a few months ago) was in line in front of me today. There were 3 people initially separating us. I INSTANTLY saw him as I walked up the line, and my stomach lurched just a little. It's a good thing I didn't have time to eat breakfast yet!

Despite the people buffer, he sees me walking up and flashes me the biggest, cheesiest, makes-me-want-to-take-an-acid-shower kind of smile I've ever seen, and he says in a very deliberate deep voice "hi there." The closest comparison I can come up with is Matt Dillon's character in "There's Something About Mary." ICK! He's got so many of the same characteristics as Dillon's character! He's got the big, fluffy hair, the giant teeth, the overly bushy flavor-saver. He wears gold bracelets and necklaces, and his cologne is strong enough to knock you unconscious. In fact, knowing his MO, I wouldn't doubt it if his cologne is a watered-down version of chloroform that will actually knock a woman unconscious if she gets too close.

Anyway, in response to his overly friendly greeting (especially considering our history), I pulled out my Blackberry and turned my back to him. Unfortunately for me, I go to the one destination that doesn't bring in a lot of drivers. So, it wasn't long before the nice, comfortable distance between us closed. There I was... standing next to the guy who commented on the sun when trying to pick up a woman and who made me walk in the mud. Now he's going to try to get on my good side? Not likely. I just had nothing to say. He literally stood there staring right at me for what seemed like FOREVER. I just checked email, and when I ran out of email to read, I decided it would be a good time to review some of the features of my Blackberry. Riveting stuff. I was painfully aware of his not-so-subtle stare, but I was not about to give him the time of day. Besides, how can I look him in the eye when I know he prefers to enter through the exit, if you know what I mean. An excellent example of things not to share with strangers, if you ask me!!!

As is also my luck, the ride ratio worked out just perfectly so that I had to ride with HIM again! Good lord, what have I done to deserve him?

So, we hop into our middle-class limo, and I decide to kick back with the iPod and relax. I needed a good nap, but it wasn't likely because there was a very VERY talkative, chattering woman also riding with us. I needed to make sure that I left absolutely NO opportunities for Mr. Sunshine to try to strike up a friendly chat with me. I just leaned my head against the window and zoned out facing away from him.

At one point, he inserted himself into the people in the front seat's conversation. I noticed that they basically stopped talking after that. He's such an ass, but at least I got some sleep. :) Good on ya.

This guy is NOT on my list of friends, nor will he ever be. But he is apparently on my list of COWORKERS! Yes, that's right! I recently passed him leaving the building I was entering! Oh boy! How long will it be before we get stuck working together? No offense boss, but I'm going on unemployment before I work 2 seconds with that creep!

As if being around him isn't annoying enough, I woke myself up from my little catnap SNORING in the backseat! Wow, I'm one hot babe!! Embarrassed and annoyed, I just counted the seconds until the car stopped.

When we arrived at our destination, we started to get out of the car, and he offered me his HAND! SERIOUSLY? I'm not normally rude, but for him, I would rather not have any kind of physical contact.

I simply said "No thanks. I don't need mud on my shoes today." Then I ducked into Starbucks to avoid having to walk next to him but not before taking in a deep breath of his "cologne"!! It took me at least a good 15 minutes to regain single-vision and not feel light-headed.

Why me?

Happy slugging!