DC Slug High School

A lot of us couldn't wait to get out of high school. Some of us were looking forward to starting a new chapter of our lives that didn't involve backstabbing cliques and a relentless rumor mill that could destroy someone's reputation in a nanosecond. Unfortunately, it appears that those high school characteristics never go away, they simply shift to an adult crowd.

It's not uncommon to get to know the names and faces of those people who slug with you, especially if you are on a regular schedule. It's also not uncommon to get to know some of their "stories." If you stand in line long enough, which I do, you start to learn who knows whom and who likes whom. It is basically like high school. Cliques form. People develop grudges. It's a neverending cycle of immaturity.

Today, I heard some ladies talking about some other ladies who slug from our line. If there would have been a few more "like"s thrown into it, I would have sworn I was in high school again.

First, they were talking about a guy in the line (think football player grows up, loses hair, gains a few pounds). They were giggling and whispering like they were plotting to ask him to go "steady." Good lord! So, out of curiosity, I checked it out. Yeah, he was cute in a middle-aged, getting soft, probably works on computers now kind of way. But these ladies were smitten. I figure there is a shortage of available men in their office for them to have focused in on this guy so closely. Anyway, they giggled and whispered about him for what seemed like forever until, thank God, he got a ride and left.

In the absence of male butt cheeks to giggle about, they turned their juvenile energy on a particular woman who appears to have some sort of connection to them. The woman was standing there, all alone, in line minding her own business. They started picking her apart. They criticized everything she was wearing, how she does her hair, the color lipstick she was wearing. They stopped short of making fun of her purse for some reason, but personally I felt that was the worst part of her ensemble. Clearly, they are no authorities.

After they performed a fashion autopsy (incomplete as it was), they moved to a discussion of her dating habits. It went like this:

Woman 1: "Did you hear that she dated Joe from the 3rd floor?"
Woman 2: "(dog-like giggle) Who hasn't?"
Woman 1: "He dumped her because she wanted to get serious."
Woman 2: "I heard he dumped her because she had an STD."
Woman 1: "No WAY!??"
Woman 2: "OH Yes! She's a walking VD. (dog-like giggle...snort)"
Woman 1: "Well, Jenny told me that she was trying to get Joe to have a baby with her but he wasn't interested. He wanted to get away from her as fast as he could!"
Woman 2: "(dog-like giggle...snort...squeal) She's a tramp anyway."

Wow, I think my face just broke out and my breasts got smaller.

Now, keep in mind that I'm standing roughly in between these ladies and where this poor VD-ridden woman with no taste in purses was standing. I know she could hear them, especially as the distance between them shrank as the line moved along. I felt bad for her, and I felt like I should help. People were all sort of standing there uncomfortably acting as if they aren't hearing all this.

My ride arrived, and I had to walk past Syph-girl. Just like in High School, I did what I could to stand up for those who were undeservedly targeted by those who have low self-esteem. She seemed like she was getting an unnecessary roasting, so I tried to help her out.

In a not-so-subtle way, I said to her, and everyone else in line, as I approached my ride "I heard that the woman in the black coat slept with Bobby in the backseat of his Mom's car, but he won't touch her again because her left nipple is hairy and inverted."

Everyone laughed. (Except the lady in the black coat and her BFF.)

Needless to say, I expect they will find things to say about me the next time we find ourselves in line together.

Since I have an impeccable fashion sense and my purse rocks, they will have to dig up something on my prom date.

GO! FIGHT! WIN! LET THE GAMES BEGIN! :)