Trapped with Familiar Strangers--Warning: Slightly X-Rated

For those of you who read this who have never had the pleasure of commuting up and down the I95 corridor during rush hour, I will try to be as descriptive as I can so that you understand.

Traffic in Northern Virginia, heading into DC, is predictably unpredictable. You can always count on the traffic patterns to be the exact opposite of what you are prepared for. On beautiful sunny mornings, traffic will be at a dead stop for no apparent reason, and on rainy, crappy, dark days, it will move so quickly that you feel like you are getting away with something naughty. You can be moving along at full speed (or more if you are some drivers) and all of a sudden be sitting completely stopped for 30 minutes without warning. Traffic is all over the board here. You just have to get in the car in the morning and try to be prepared for anything.

Well, slugging adds a whole new category of "anything" that you have to be prepared for. When you are slugging in, you take pretty much the first ride that comes along going to your destination (unless there are extenuating circumstances as mentioned before) because you never know when another will come along. I got to the lot this morning praying for a quick ride because it is beyond cold and windy outside, and I didn't want to stand in that for a long time. Lucky for me, the first car waiting was waiting for ME! Oh the joy! But wait....

Remember Don Juan DeJerkoff who tried to score with the hot chick a few weeks ago? He was in the back seat. The guy driving...a guy I have, up until now, not mentioned. I've hitched a ride with him a few times, and I have basically let him slide off the blogging radar. He's a nice enough guy, a seemingly normal family man. Apparently, when combined with the "X" factors of Mr. SmoothJazz in the back seat and stopped traffic, he becomes a sexpert (nope, not a misspelling).

As I'm sure you've all figured out by now, before 9AM, I'm a different person. I'm grumpy and less receptive to anything out of the ordinary, especially when I'm tired and want to nap. Considering this morning's commute was extra long, I could have had a REALLY GOOD nap. But oh no, not me. That's not how things work for me. I could tell pretty quickly that there would be no napping today.

Now, I know what you are thinking. Mr. "The Sun Looks Pretty Today" didn't pay any attention to me when Hot Babe #1 was in the car, but apparently, when he's a passenger with me and this other guy, I become really interesting. Funny how things work out. Yes, he remembered me and commented on how he was changing his air freshener to something that smelled less "pimp oilish." The driver wanted to know what we were talking about. So, he gave a basic description of the "princess" that rode with him and the fact that I told him he had no chance. He was using a snide tone, so I had to jump in. I told the driver about the backseat comment and the mud, just so he didn't think I was a total bitch. The driver said, and I believe I will be able to quote this accurately word for word, "you are too pretty for that." (OK, ladies, you are with me.....MAJOR SCORE for him!! I woke up just a little bit after that and flashed my biggest, most charming southern belle smile to thank him.) But things went downhill from there. Apparently, this opened the door to a sex conversation. Oh boy!

Smooth Talking Driver Guy started talking about how he watched a particularly sexy movie from the 80s. Then he started asking questions, first to the skeezer in the back and then to me, about sexual fantasies. Backseat guy is apparently also a backdoor kind of guy, if you get my drift. Yep, I'm grossed out too. He gets to me, and I simply said "I'm a virgin" thinking I could cleverly avoid anymore sex talk. Oh no, apparently the driver likes virgins! WTF!?? At this point, we are still sitting in traffic a long, LONG way from work. I'm feeling a bit trapped and uncomfortable. I figure I have nowhere else to go from here, so I might as well play along. In retrospect, the next thing I said probably could have been a pretty foolish and dangerous thing to say, but I figured I needed to get outrageous to shut them up. He pushed me for an answer again. I guess he, for SOME reason, didn't believe my "virgin" answer. Hmmmmm...anyway. So, here's what I said.

"I've always fantasized about being trapped in a car with two strange men who decide to pull off the road and have sex with each other right in front of me. That gets me hot." I figured the backdoor backseat guy probably wouldn't mind so much. Men, generally, are not comfortable with gay innuendo, especially when they are acting all macho and talking sex to a woman.

The rest of the ride was relatively quiet, and I got a short power nap in before arriving at my destination. Like I said, the commute can be unpredictable.