Low-Rent Royals

The British are coming! The British are coming! (OK, technically, that's an historical inaccuracy that Paul Revere shouted that phrase, but you get the point!)

This morning I arrived at the lot and stood in the FREEZING cold waiting for my destination to be called. A British couple drove up and called out those magical words, and I rejoicingly jumped into the car hoping for warmth, comfort, and a nap.

When I was all buckled in and we were halfway out of the lot, "Prince Edward" informed me that he would be dropping off "Queen Elizabeth" on the OTHER SIDE OF TOWN from my office. My response was "um, what??" Yeah, no kidding! Major rule violation! When you call out for one destination, you certainly don't head for another on the other side of town!!! What a British jerk! There's a reason why Revere helped devise an alarm system that would alert people that the British were coming. Good grief!

So, here I was in the backseat wondering if my carriage would arrive at my castle on time, and I got caught up in their absolutely meaningless, boring conversation! I know I should have been sleeping. God knows that the content was enough to make me go comatose, but I was absolutely drawn in by the fact that two such boring people could actually carry on a conversation!!

All my American friends can relate to me on this. Just about anything sounds interesting with the right accent. But these two had such a snooty tone and were so prim and proper that it was almost comical. I was halfway waiting to see a camera crew jump out and tell me I was on candid camera or something (there IS a writer's strike in Hollywood...they need filler!). They were discussing a book, but not even the content really. He said "oh, thanks for the book." She said, in a very Mary Poppins kind of way, "oh, I just thought it was delightful!" Seriously? Who talks like that? I half expected her to break out in a verse of "A Spoonful of Sugar" when the driver complained of the traffic backup!

Then they were discussing the color of her bag and whether it was blue or some other variant. IT'S FREAKING BLUE. Blue is blue is blue! SHUT UP you boring British drones!!!!! Get me to work ON TIME with NO DETOURS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Then we arrived at the UNPLANNED destination and they parted ways with the driest, most dispassionate farewell kiss that I've ever seen. It makes me wonder if they've ever even seen each other naked or if they do it with their "dressing robes" on! LOL (sorry, sometimes I crack myself up!) I couldn't help but to think of the British Royal family and how they always seem so cold and disinterested toward each other.

Clearly, the Royals have moved to America and bought a late-model Honda that they use to dupe unsuspecting Americans into riding in during rush hour while they dribble on about in consequential minutia! Are the Royals slumming and slugging?

Then I started having flashes of the supposed Royal conspiracy to kill Princess Diana, and I got nervous. In a very Catholic sort of way, I prayed that I would make it to work on time and in one American piece! :)

By gosh, by golly, I made it there in one piece! I was still just a little ticked that I got tricked, but what the hay..it's Christmas!

As I climbed out, I did a quick check to see if there were any Royal Jewels hanging out in the backseat, but to no avail! Oh well!

For all of you who appreciate the hard work and ingenuity of the great Paul Revere, go out on Dec. 22 and have a drink in his honor to celebrate his birthday! If it weren't for him, we might all be boring, cold British fish! :)

Maybe next time I see them pull up, I'll hold up 1 lantern if I want to go to my destination and 2 if I want to take a detour.