The South Will Rise Again

There are only two words that can fully describe my ride to work this morning.

Yee-haw.

In case there is ANY question as to what I am referring, the kind young gentleman escorting me to work this morning was a Redneck.

I will steal from the great "Redneck Comedian" Jeff Foxworthy and give you this list:

"Your Driver Might Be a Redneck if..."

10. He drives an old, mismatched paint truck (think early 80s Blazer or Bronco). (CHECK!)
9. He wears an OLD baseball hat on which the visor has been carefully crafted to bend into a sharp downward "U" shape. (CHECK!)
8. He smokes Marlboro Reds. (CHECK!)
7. His rearview mirror is missing. (CHECK!)
6. He's alternating between country and classic rock on the radio. (CHECK!)
5. He has sworn his allegiance to a number that corresponds to a Nascar driver. (CHECK!)
4. His clothes are already dirty, and the day hasn't even started yet. There is also plaid flannel and construction boots involved. (CHECK!)
3. He says he works on cars, but his car barely runs. (DOUBLE CHECK!)
2. Out of respect for his passengers, he switches from cigarettes to chewing tobacco so as to not bother them! (CHECK!)
1. He has a confederate flag sticker that says "The South Will Rise Again." (YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW)

I know. You were all expecting there to be reference to his southern drawl, but that was TOO obvious. OF COURSE he did!

He was very well mannered, except for the intermittent tobacco spitting. His music wasn't too loud, and he drove relatively safely. My only REAL complaint was that the smoke cloud was SO heavy in that truck that I got a nicotine buzz from the seatbelt. I could tell his "old lady" was a smoker from the slightest hint of menthol and lipstick lingering on the seatbelt strap. OK, in all fairness, it could have been his sister, but what's the difference really?

Having grown up in a town not too unfamiliar with the redneck variety, it didn't really bother me. I was used to being around that type. It was the black gentleman in the car with me that I wondered about. Did he notice the sticker? Was he sitting there wishing he could punch this guy on principle? The driver actually went out of his way to talk to the guy, so my guess is the driver was more uncomfortable than the passenger.

I would have slept had it not been for the rattling muffler and tobacco-spit induced gag reflex. It was freezing cold inside the truck (the heat probably hasn't worked in at least 5 years), but I was reluctant to encourage any kind of heating effort for fear of what might spew out of the vents. I should have packed the flannel!

We all made it to our destination safely, and Mr. Billy Bob maintained his manners in a way that would make his Momma proud.

Happy Slugging and YEEEEEEHAWWWWWWWWW!!!