Leave Me Out of Your Mid-Life Crisis!!

Growing up at the beach, I, like most of my friends, dreamed of owning a cute, sporty convertible to drive down to the strip and be seen in. It was a fleeting fantasy that most of us grew out of, and for good reason. Convertibles just aren't economical, efficient, or safe. Unfortunately, some men hit middle-age and decide that they want a sporty convertible to drive around and be seen in. Perhaps they want to pick up women or just appear to be "cool" to those around them. I don't know the justification. Whatever it is, I would just like to offer some advice and suggestions from a slugging perspective.

First let me say, reverse shotgun rules do NOT apply when approaching a convertible. Being the savvy convertible connoisseur that I am, I knew better than to get into the backseat of this convertible. Anyone who's ever been in one knows that the air stream is brutal in the backseat. There was only one problem. The other passenger was taller than me and needed to ride up front. So, as is always my luck, I got the worst possible positioning. Lucky me!

Next, to Mr. Mid-Life Crisis, owning this cute, sporty convertible did NOT make you any sexier or appealing. I just needed to get that out!

Finally, from a slugging perspective, when car manufacturers made the convertible, I believe it was meant for the leisurely drive at speeds of 55 or less. If you are on I95 going 80 miles an hour surrounded by 18-wheelers, road debris, and discarded cigarettes from the car in front of you, DO NOT DRIVE WITH THE TOP DOWN. Yes, it's beautiful weather in DC right now. Yes, the sun is shining and the air is the perfect temperature. NONE of this can be truly enjoyed with the top down on the INTERSTATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and yes, you DO have to turn up your radio to hear it better with the top down, but you do NOT have to broadcast your "oldies but goodies" to the fucking MOON! I'm fairly certain that I've lost another 20% of my hearing from riding in that convertible.

While driving a convertible may make you feel young and valid again, your fellow commuters feel beaten and bloodied by the end of the ride and find it terribly difficult to gain any benefit from it. So, in the spirit of the other "unwritten" rules of slugging designed to make the ride comfortable for all, let me suggest that we add "Leave us out of your Mid-Life Crisis and Leave the Top UP!"