If you have that much gas, drive yourself to work!

It's getting cold outside in the mornings, and the lines are pretty long at the sluglot these days. That means, more than likely, the heat is going to be on in the car that picks you up. This is a GOOD thing. Let's not ruin it.

If you are the type of person who feels the need to pass a lot of gas, you should consider riding into work alone. Just a suggestion. Here's why: first, none of us want to be intimately familiar with the inside of your colon, and second, when it stinks in a car running heat, it's unbelievably worse.

Lucky me, in my usual pattern of bad seating, I got stuck in the backseat with a man who thinks passing gas is a sport and he's trying to win a medal. Apparently, he doesn't realize that leather seats make this sort of thing OBVIOUS (as if the smell didn't already)! After about the third time, I looked over at him and made an audible gagging sound. It didn't seem to affect him, because he did it at least 3 more times!

The smell of his ass mixed with the cheap drugstore perfume on the woman in the front seat was becoming too lethal, and luckily the driver decided to take action. I thought he was going to go for the windows, but he lowered the temperature in the car to 65 degrees (yes, he had a digital temp gauge on his AC, so I know this for a fact)!!!!!!!!!! I was still cold from standing outside with no jacket on, but I was grateful for the lifting of the ass cloud hanging in the car. So I huddled up to my purse and prayed for light traffic.

The lesson I learned today is to keep a spare bottle of my favorite perfume in my desk so I can hopefully get the smells of my fellow commuters off of me once I get to work.

As for Mr. Exxon Valdez, do us all a favor and propel yourself to work solo from now on!!!