Traffic Jam Kit

Despite my consistent cynicism, I've remained relatively optimistic about my commuting arrangement. I manage to successfully slug to my office on average about 17 times a month. There are times when I have to bend a bit to get to or from work, but generally, the system works for me. There are other times when I need more flexibility, so I drive. I don't like to do it because sleeping behind the wheel is heavily frowned upon in VA. I drive on occasion, and I usually don't enjoy it. But I have a good reason.

At first, I thought it was a coincidence. After a very good sampling of driving occurrences, I concluded that I have the curse. Every time I drive, and I mean EVERY time I drive, there is a traffic jam of some sort. Most days, I get to and from work in 45 minutes or less. That barely gives me enough time to fall into a decent REM. I don't mind traffic jams when I'm a passenger because I generally sleep through them. But, I have once again angered the gods of commuting because whenever I drive I get the major backups.

I drove to work twice last week, and both times, BOTH TIMES, there was a major backup on 95 that cost me nearly an hour! Not just once, but BOTH times I drove! This has happened to me before, but only in scattered circumstances since I haven't driven very often. When I randomly had to drive 2 days in a row, and on both days I got stuck in massive jams, I knew it was me.

On day 1 of this 2-day hell excursion, I joked with a passenger that it always happened to me when I drive. One of them predictably said "remind me to never ride with you again." Well, now. That wasn't very nice. So, already being tired and grumpy, I had to retort, "at least that means I'm BEHIND the accident and not IN it." Then I told him he couldn't ride with me anymore. :)

On day 2, I rode in with a crazy woman who kept saying that she was nothing but a slug and couldn't speak her mind. (Not that anybody asked, mind you) At one point, I sarcastically thanked a guy for cutting me off, and she piped up with an offer to teach me some expletives she learned in the military. I asked her why she was talking to me and reminded her that she was just a slug. The behemoth sitting in the front seat had her iPod SO loud that I could hear every single note and lyric of her awful music over top of my music playing at a moderate volume. I noticed whenever I would say something she would take her earphones out, so I spent a lot of time talking about nothing at all just to annoy her.

So both times I drove, I was stuck in a traffic jam with annoying people and very little escape or distraction. I know I usually get it pretty easy, but that particular arrangement royally sucks. The next time I drive, I will have my traffic jam kit prepared. One of the supplies will be a perfected physical tick that will scare the crap out of my passengers. If I'm going to get stuck with them, I might as well have some fun!