I had one of those uniquely interesting rides into work today, and I can't wait to talk about it.

I rode in this morning with a couple of really talkative 20-ish mechanics (yes, mechanics--referring mentally back to my post on commuter uniforms). I've gotten a ride from them before, so I knew I was safe (well, from a murderer at least). I couldn't have enjoyed this particular ride more!

I started out a bit annoyed because I was dead tired and just wanted to sleep. The car was an old beat up sedan of some sort (why do all mechanics drive crappy cars?), and it smelled like an ashtray at a bar. Everything was dirty, and I felt like I had to stay completely still once I burrowed into a somewhat clean spot. Neither the driver nor the passenger believed in that outdated, stuffy old rule of wearing your seatbelt, so I was relatively sure that I was going to die with greasy mechanics in my lap should we crash on the way in. As I closed my eyes to try to recapture a really great dream I had, I was rudely awakened by entirely too much perkiness coming from a guy.

Mr. Goodwrench #1 excitedly asked me how I've been. Apparently, he remembers me from previous experiences. Since I knew he was a talker, I tried to keep my answers short to prevent further conversation. Apparently, there's no such method in his car. I made a joke about how much life sucks (OK, maybe not a "joke" but he didn't know that), and that opened the door to him spilling all too many details about his presently "happy" life. Here are some of the things I learned.

1. He is getting a lot of money back on his taxes because he has a lot of kids from other women.

2. He likes to exact revenge by destroying people's cars.

3. His previous girlfriend(s) left him after getting boob-jobs.

4. His wife is getting a boob-job.

5. His sister is a scary lesbian.

5. His passenger friend likes to beat people up who don't like the way he talks. (I lovingly complemented his lisp several times before leaving.)

6. Mechanics' grease does not blend well with tan colored clothes.

7. He likes to be a gentleman, but he rarely remembers (his words.)

8. He will beat up anyone I want taken care of since my old Mob connections are all in jail.

9. He takes it very personally when someone flinches at his apparent inability to judge the distance between the stopped car in front of him and his own bumper.

10. His "yee haw" was genuine.

11. He aspires to have all of his kids under one roof in a new double-wide.

12. It's perfectly OK to put your own redneck spin on Eminem's style.

13. Being a redneck is a badge of honor for most. For him, it's a way of life.

14. I'm the "coolest bitch" he's ever driven to DC.

Damn straight!