Sweaty Butts and Bad Attitudes

Gas prices are soaring, which of course means slugging has become a much more popular commuting option for a lot of people. There is no other "free" commuting option available out there that will get you to and from work, so it should not come as a surprise that the lots are overflowing right now.

For those who don't know, the HOV closes off to regular traffic at 6:00AM. Our commuter lot is FULL, bursting beyond capacity, by 6:30AM. Cars are racing through the lot trying to get that ONE LAST SPOT, and as is usually the case, I'm a second too late and have to find an alternative. For the brave, there is the option of parking your SUV (or in some really brave cases...sedans) over the curb and into the mud. For others, they try to "blend" into a surrounding parking lot that is within walking distance of the lot, praying that their car will still be there when they return. But, just because you get a space does not mean you will get a ride or that you won't have to wait for eternity for one to come.

As you can imagine, the more the news trains us on how "bleak" and "hopeless" our economy is, the more frightened and desperate people become. The overall tone of the slug line has changed to a much more somber, less friendly environment. It's not just the riders who are feeling beaten down by our supposed economic plight. The poor drivers who feel that they have to drive are starting to become a little less friendly and cooperative these days too.

However, there is one lady who is just a bitch...always has been and always will be!

If you've been a loyal reader from the beginning, you will remember me writing about a woman who turned up her radio in response to the "good morning" greeting she received from her riders. She was a bitch then, and she was a bitch this week. I haven't seen her much in the last few months, but she's been around a lot lately. As shitty-luck lotteries go, I'm a regular winner.

Bitchita arrived in her shiny Mercedes, and I gladly slid into the leather seats thinking that at least it would be a nice ride despite the leather and the weather. I figured I would just nap and avoid any expectations of friendly banter or even cordial greetings. I didn't bother saying "hello" because I knew she wouldn't respond. As soon as, and I mean AS SOON AS, me and my fellow rider got in, she dialed up someone on her cell phone. And before I forget, let me mention that another rider to my destination noticed that she had an empty backseat, so he tapped on her window and asked if she would take a third. Can you guess her response? DING DING DING, you win! She didn't even bother to roll down her window to respond. She shook her head and looked away. Nice.

I just climbed in the back, loaded up the blessed iPod, and closed my eyes. Despite my moderately volumed iPod, I could still hear her talking to her "friend." [Not sure who would befriend this beast, but hey, it takes all kinds...] Anyway, they were discussing how expensive it is to shop at a new grocery store. This actually took up most of her time and concentration. She was swerving all over the road, gunning the gas, swerving in and out of lanes, and she decided that air conditioning in DC in the summer was superfluous. Having an intimate knowledge of the Mercedes, I looked at the internal thermometer to see just how hot it was. Going by the density of my butt sweat on her leather seats, I was guessing at least 75. That may not sound that hot, but it's inside a car, with the sun coming in, with leather seats, and body heat. I eyeballed the dash temperature gauge and was not surprised to find out that it was a cool 81 degrees in her car. Yep, 81 degrees, leather seats, 6:30AM. It was a great way to start the day.

I was not able to take a nap, in case you didn't already assume that. So when we got close to my destination, I watched closely to see if she would take the exit that would make her pass my office to get to her destination. Of course, she didn't. She took the exit that is the farthest from my office. I wasn't expecting much, but the guy in the front seat made it worse by saying "I'll just jump out here." "Here" was about 1 mile back from the main road. So, she looked in her rearview at me, and I just said, "I'm down at _______, so wherever you can let me out close to that would be great."


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M SUCH AN IDIOT

What do you suppose her response was?

She stopped at the corner and said "you can get out."

Oh yes, leaving an 81 degree Mercedes to walk over a mile in the summer heat in full business attire was exactly what I had in mind for that day. The entire way, every step, I was plotting various ways that I could punish this woman for her attitude. I was getting angrier and angrier with every sweat bead that trickled a path through my freshly applied makeup. Every step that irritated my newly formed blister became a step closer to revenge.

I can't help but to think that this woman clearly misses the point of the slugging system. She thinks it's all about her. She doesn't understand that the only way slugging works is that it be a mutually beneficial arrangement that requires both parties to cooperate and compromise. She must not be married, or if she is, her husband hates her. She is selfish, inconsiderate, and well, a bitch.

The good news is that people are catching on. If you get into a pattern, you start to learn names, faces, cars, personalities, the whole deal. She has been arriving all of a sudden at my regular line time. She has also very quickly developed a reputation.

With it being close to a holiday, the lot was relatively empty (meaning there were about 5 spaces left when I arrived), and the line was pretty long. I, and 4 others going to my destination, was standing in line for what seemed like forever. We started to chatter amongst ourselves about whether or not drivers were going to go to work today. The cars were few and far between, and we all were getting a little fidgety. Then the Benz Bitch rolled in. Those of us in the back of the line all leaned forward to look at our com padres in the front of the line and we all busted out laughing. The guy just strolled up and got in. No worries. He didn't care. The lady looked down at us and offered us her slot. We all held up our hands and insisted that she take her well-earned ride (knowing that there probably would NOT be another car). She begrudgingly got into the car, also knowing that she was going to have to hike down to our end of the world after she got abandoned in B-F-E.

It's my intention to organize a boycott of this woman's car to teach her a lesson in sharing and to send her a message that she needs us as much as we need her.

It probably won't work because, ultimately, we all just want to get to work. But it makes me feel proactive, and it prevents me from plotting different ways to sabotage her car. I like to channel my energy into more positive behaviors after all. :)

I may have passed up the last ride to my destination, but at least I wasn't walking down a major street in the capital of the free world wondering to myself "does my butt look sweaty?"

Just FYI, wait until I tell you about the arguments breaking out in the lines these days!

...to be continued!