Sluglot Leviathan

"during the time men live without a common power to keep them all in awe, they are in that condition which is called war; and such a war as is of every man against every man"--Thomas Hobbes, The Leviathan

Road rage is running rampant in the world today. People are stressed by the gas prices, and in DC we are additionally stressed by the increased volume of tourist commuters clogging up the roads during peak rush hour. The parking lots of all the commuter lots in the DC area are being filled to capacity earlier and earlier, so it is becoming a survival of the fittest, fastest, and most cunning drivers to get the few remaining spaces. It's like the mad rush at the Apple stores to get the new iPhone. You just have to do what you have to do to get what you want. I understand this.

However.

I don't accept that you can break the rules to get what you want. There is a reason we have rules, laws, and standards of acceptable behavior. If we didn't, our world would be chaos, and we would eventually die nasty, brutal deaths. But thanks to the forward-thinking wisdom and philosophy of great minds like John Locke and Thomas Hobbes and the influence they had on our Founding Fathers, we have a government with rules, laws, and standards of behavior.

One of those handy rules is that when you come to a stop sign, you stop and let the oncoming traffic that has the right of way proceed before you go. It's probably one of the most basic rules of driving that we all learn within days of entering driver's education classes.

As you can imagine, someone broke that rule this morning. But he didn't just break the rule. He broke it in such a way that I would have been justified in pressing the accelerator to the floor and making direct contact with his legs the next time I see him. But, true to my character, I didn't let him get away with it.

As if his driving violation wasn't bad enough, he copped an attitude with me. And he didn't even do that like a man. He used his cell phone as "cover" to talk smack about me. Well, Mr. Wiseass Coward didn't know who he was messing with this morning, because as he walked by telling his imaginary friend or mail-order bride about "some crazy woman who almost hit him in the parking lot" I made my position known.

For the record, if I had been in the wrong, I would not have gotten into an argument with this guy. But, as is usually case, I was right, and I made sure he knew that. I was not going to let him accuse me of not following the rules when it was HIS mistake.

So, there he was, hiding behind his wireless courage, walking directly behind me as I got out of my car. He wasn't trying to be subtle, so I wasn't going to be subtle either. I walked right up next to him, matched his pace, and said very clearly "it's called a fucking stop sign asshole." (yes, I cuss. It's a hobby) Caught off guard, but not willing to give up his pedestal he assumed was so high above mine, he stopped, held out his cell phone so he could "yell" and tried to answer back with "yes, and you ran it!" Hahahahaha, big mistake Jerkwad.

I very calmly (relative term) turned to him, got in his face, and informed him "if you weren't such an idiot, you would know that it's a one way stop, and you had the stop sign, not me! So go ahead and blame me, but you tried to run a stop sign, and I'd be more than happy to have a cop teach you how that works."

Then his tone changed.

And he apologized.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that was a two-way stop. I didn't realize I was the only one with a stop sign. I thought you were trying to get ahead of me for a parking space." Well, I was, but I was justified. The rules were in my favor.

OK, so he was contrite. I wanted to forgive him, but I didn't care enough about him to try. The really awkward part was that since we were walking to the line together and yelling at each other, that put us in line together too. So I walked up to the line and greeted all of my friends. He knew nobody, so I played off of my apparent popularity (slight hyperbole) and continued to make him feel like an idiot. While standing in line, at least 3 people walked up and greeted me by name. I carried on a few conversations, and meanwhile he stood there breathing down my back. I could feel him back there, and he kept trying to talk to me but I wouldn't acknowledge him. Another woman came up and everyone commented on our similar choices in clothing for the day, and he tried to make the standard "memo" joke. I ignored him again.

The stars were aligned just right today, and the rides were coming at extremely, excruciatingly long intervals. We stood in line together for at least a half an hour. I acted as if he wasn't there, but I was keenly aware of his discomfort. I could tell he was trying to "make up" with me, but I am not in a place right now where I have the ability to forgive a lot of people. I just didn't think he deserved it, no matter how apologetic he was trying to be.

It......was......just......dragging.....on....and...on. I was considering taking the next ride, no matter where it was going, just to get him off my back.

He spent a lot of time looking at his shoes and trying to insert himself into my conversations. Finally, he said, "I just want to thank you. I could've gotten into an accident. I just thought you were supposed to stop."

Here's where the pre-9AM bitch in me comes out.

I turned to him, said nothing, then turned my back to him.

The afternoon-me knows it was not exactly the most friendly and forgiving way to go about it. He was truly sorry and was trying to make up for the fact that he was a complete ass. But I just couldn't forgive him. He started my day off with a violent near-miss and followed that up with cowardly 3rd-party insults and misguided blame. It brought out too much anger and frustration out in me on a day when I was trying to start fresh with the positive attitude I so desperately need right now.

So, NO, Mr. Stop Sign Runner, I don't accept your apology. Not today.

When my ride finally came, I just walked away without even a backward glance thinking to myself "bellum omnium contra omnes" (putting 4 years of Latin to use).

There is no turning back. Once we discard the rules of the road and commuter etiquette, we launch ourselves back into a state of nature that is "solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short."